


Not What it Looks Like

by EventHorizon



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 22:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EventHorizon/pseuds/EventHorizon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin is out shopping with Arthur and is not pleased with what Arthur happens to find... because he has to explain it...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not What it Looks Like

      “Skip!  Look!  They sell slingshots!  Red ones, too.  Brilliant!”

      “Arthur… get that away from me!  It is not a slingshot.  Go put that back and don’t let anyone see you’ve been playing with it.”

      “Skip, I really think you’re wrong about this one.  I mean, what else could it be?  You’ve got the place where you put your rocks and the string’s all stretchy…”

      “Yes… ok, I know what it looks like, but you just need to trust me on this and put it back where you found it.”

      “I do trust you, Skip.  I trust you… oh, I’d even trust you with the secret location of my emergency Toblerones.”

      “They’re in the bottom of Carolyn’s desk in a box marked Secret!.”

      “How did you know that?  Wow, Skip.  You must be one of those psychics like they have on the telly programs.  What am I thinking?”

      “That now you really want a Toblerone.”

      “AAAHHH!  Oh my god, you _are_ one of those psychics!”

      “Arthur, I am not a psychic and stop flapping that thong around!”

      “Is that what this is?”

      “Yes.”

      “Oh… what’s a thong?”

      “This is not a conversation I’m going to have with you.  Go ask Douglas.  WAIT!  No, for god's sake, don’t go ask Douglas.  Look, it’s not something you probably will ever need to worry about so just go put it away and…”

      “But Skip, I don’t know what it is and you know how things are when I don’t know about something that I just happened to suddenly know about.  You really don’t want to have to buy me an ‘Arthur’s got a swirly head feel better lolly,’ do you?”

      “Arthur… I am going to regret this.  I’m saying it now so you won’t be surprised when I do regret it terribly, very terribly, in the future.  A thong is a type of underpants.”

      “What… this?”

      “Yes… this.”

      “Nah… you’re having me on.  Brilliant!  I love it when you tell jokes, Skip.  And a lot of them are actually funny!”

      “It’s not a joke, Arthur.  People wear them instead of… normal pants.  Now, will you please put them away?  Or just drop them on the floor and kick them under something, I don’t really care as long as I don’t have to see them anymore.”

      “Really?  People wear these?  How?”

      “I am not explaining the proper way to wear a thong.”    

      “Lollies, Skip…”

      “Fine!  The… stringy part, goes in the back and the… not stringy part goes in the front.”

      “How can the stringy part go in the back.  It would sort of fall between… oh.”

      “Yes, oh.”

      “That can’t be comfortable.  I mean, sometimes my regular pants sort of wedge up a bit and…”

      “Right!  Yes, thank you… we’ve all had pants issues before, now can you please…”

      “And this front part… it can’t be!  I mean… it wouldn’t fit, would it?”

      “What do mean it wouldn’t fit?”

      “It’s so small.”

      “It stretches… no, Arthur Shappey do not stretch the thong when my eyes are pointed in that direction!”

      “Skip, I’m sure you know more about this than I do, but… there’s no way this could fit.  I mean… is it supposed to cover… everything?”

      “If by everything, you mean… ok, everything is a fine word, a very fine word to use… then yes.  Think of it as a pouch.”

      “But you’d be spilling out and that can’t be a good thing.”

      “Spilling out?”

      “Yeah, I mean… no, this could never fit.  It’s just so tiny, even with a good hard stretch.”

      “These are designed to do their job properly, so I have no idea what you are talking about.  I mean, maybe if you had a _lot_ to cover then…”

      “What do you mean by a lot?”

      “Well… more than average.”

      “What’s considered average?”

      “I… I don’t know the actual numbers.”

      “Oh, because I consider myself pretty average, and… no, that’s not going to fit.”

      “…………………………….”

      “Skip?  Are you ok?”

      “It’s not going to fit?”

      “Not… well…. no.  No, not really a prayer for that, I think.”

      “Ah… well, that’s… good to know.”

      “Would it fit you?”

      “Of course you asked… yes, actually.  Yes, it would fit me just fine.  Just fine and dandy, thank you very much.”

      “Brilliant!  Then I can get it for you as a little present.”

      “That won’t be necessary.” 

      “Sure it is!  You taught me something new today and that’s not an easy thing to do!  And I found out I’m above average for something, too, which is a first!  Hah!  Wait until I tell Mum!”

      “NO!  Arthur, do not… please do not tell Carolyn about this little discussion.  She’ll turn my skin into a purse and toss the rest of me into the garden to fertilize her roses.”

      “Silly Skipper, Mum just bought a new purse.  And I _am_ getting you this as a present.  I think it would look quite nice on you, with your hair and all.”

      “Fine.  If you insist.  But, there are other shops around here that sell pants and I bet we could find one that fit you, too.  I’d be more than happy to get you your own as a present, if you'd like.”

      “REALLY!  You’ll get me my own thong!”

      “Arthur, please do not shout about me buying you a thong.”

      “Why not?   Besides I’m so excited!  This is brilliant!”

      “Arthur!  Arthur, the thong is not a flag to wave about.  Why don’t you go pay for that and we can start shopping for yours, ok?”

      “Yes!  Ok, I’m right on that.  And when we find mine, we can go back to your flat and try them on.  Have a little show like they do on those fashion channels.”

      “Arthur, I am not modeling my thong for you.”

      “Sure you are!  I’m not modeling mine alone.  Come on, Skip… we’ve got shopping to do.”

      “Oh god…”


End file.
